A Father Responds to a Marriage Proposal

These are questions I prepared to ask Amit as I contemplated how to respond to his request, "May I have your daughter's hand in marriage?"

1.     Have you prayed about this? What has God said? How do you know?

2.     Of all the girls in the world, why our daughter?

3.     Tell us what love means to you.

4.     What does it mean to you to be a godly husband? What does it mean to be a godly father?

5.     What does it mean to you to serve your wife? To sacrifice for her?

Then we offered the following advice. Whether you are contemplating marriage, a newlywed still enthralled with your new mate, or just ‘hanging on' in your marriage, you may find helpful advice or encouragement to help your marriage thrive.

This is the biggest decision you will ever make, second only to following Christ.  It is bigger than the decision for a college major or a career. You can change jobs. You cannot change your wife.

What you marry is what you get. She will change and grow and so will you. Yet you can NOT expect her to change where and how you want her to change. She may not change as you like. You cannot demand something different after the wedding day.

Being a godly husband and a father is basically about one thing: sacrifice. Sacrifice for your marriage and your children, even when it is oh-so-hard. In good days and bad. Till death do us part. This is for life. There will be really bad days, even bad months, and bad years. There will be a time when you want to quit and even feel justified to quit. Do not do it. God commands it. The costs of divorce are huge.

If she ever feels your marriage is struggling and wants you two to get help, agree and fully participate no matter how you feel. Too many men put off their wives when the wife wants to get help. Then after years and she has given up and wants a divorce, he then will say he will get help. For many, that point is too late. So, as a man when your wife says you as a couple need help, and you feel like dismissing it, promise me you will, for the sake of your marriage, participate and cooperate.

You are an answer to prayer. We have been praying for you for 21 years. We have prayed that our daughter's future husband would be growing closer to Christ and that Christ would grow his character in you.

 Being prayed for is a gift and a privilege: God answers prayer --part of the reason you accepted Christ four years ago was in answer to our prayer.  You did not want the arranged marriage your parents wanted, but you have an arranged marriage: A marriage arranged by God.

Physically/sexually it can be tempting to become one during an engagement, because your mind justifies that you are about to be married.  Yet honor God by setting up boundaries so that you are a virgin on your wedding day. You will be glad you did.